punishment/reward

this parenting shit is gut wrenching.  in particular, mom life.  it's bull shit.  you sacrifice so much of yourself.  we put our bodies through this grueling process of pregnancy, childbirth & postpartum.  we don't drink, eat too much seafood, smoke, drink coffee, all for our seed.  we abstain for 6 weeks or more, breast feed, wake up all hours of the night, make baby food, cloth diaper, switch to organic and natural, home school, and restrict social circles to the best of the best... but when it's time for just a little personal time:  a little extended work trip, to catch your breath... and nope.  your decision to home school is now the thorn in your side, because no one can watch your kid during the day.  if she just went to regular ass school like other kids, you'd be good.  oh yeah, and you're separated, so now that every other night arrangement is there to bite you in the ass.  so you have to find child care for "your nights" away.  the whole thing makes you just want to say fuck it!  i guess, i'm a mom, so apparently, this is my life.  at home.  being a mom.  and that's it.

shit like this, stresses me out.  and it makes me really jealous.  yes, it was my idea to home school.  yes, i want to work from home or in a non traditional environment.  but damn!  is this my punishment?  

but there is a solution to every problem.  and jo jo is fucking crafty!  so i'm going to find it.