people you may know
my heart kind of dropped when i saw the friend request. the one my cousin refers to as "the standard". the cat that i subconsciously compare everyone else to. not the little silly things, but the core elements. friendship, support, fun, ease. he was my go to guy. the first "friend" i dated. we could burn a day watching the matrix trilogy, playing scrabble or listening to underground hip hop and cooking. i hesitated when i saw the request. for a couple days. lol. eventually, i'm like, screw it... what do you have to lose?
a week or so goes by, my mom gives me a box of old pics... and there he is again. 20 something, a kid. sifting through my cds in my old room. it was kind of surreal. a moment frozen in time. and just like that, it all downloaded. "why weren't we speaking? what was the cause for this 10 year gap?" i had no answer for this. and it kind of made me sad. to be so close to someone, dear friends even, and then nothing. no blow up, no fall out necessarily, and just... nothing.
i felt compelled. i sent him the pictures. "look what i found, hope you're well." and it commenced. reconnecting via messenger. it was refreshing. "let's catch up."
a day later, i find myself, sitting at the restaurant bar, hours from home, after we decided to meet in the middle. we detailed our lives. the journey we've been on since our last encounter. as we exchanged life stories, it dawned on me... how much time we wasted, for principle. i never reached out, but i can't say that i did't think about it. that he never crossed my mind. that i never googled him, or facebooked him just to see how he was doing. it's ridiculous that we let that much time pass and somehow have no real explanation for it.
we laughed, teased, talked about relationships and growth. we were friends. in that moment, i was happy. to see my friend. to know that he was well. to reconnect.
as a true scorpio, i know what it's like to write someone off, never speak to them again, and make complete "peace" with that. but is it really peace? when you hear their name or see a picture, don't you get that feeling? that sickening kind of twist in your gut. where you know it doesn't have to be this way. but your head kicks in, and finds some form of logic that lets you continue the silence. but your spirit isn't right. and you know it.
don't let something minor, or even major, keep you from being connected to amazing people. life is so much more than silly grudges and petty tifs. make peace with your differences. let the past, be the past. embrace the ability to love someone beyond their faults, and allow others to love you beyond yours. believe me when i say, it's a freeing experience.