overwhelmed

i'm fucking tired.

i have a plan.  a good one.  it's all ironed out and it's great.  but seemingly, i can't fucking lock it in.  i'm putting in the work.  i'm hustling.  i'm game planning, considering strategy, all that shit.  and i can't break through this phase.  what the entire fuck?!

and i'll venture to say i'm a fairly optimistic person, but this round-a-bout is driving me CRAZY!  i'm presented with great opportunities, but said opportunities don't yield dividends for 3 months.  awesome.  or people want services that yield great dividends, right now, but it throws my hands into severe carpal tunnel pain.  great! so focus on your "salaried" career.  cool.  nothing.  i seemingly, for the life of me, can't find the position i want, with a company i want, that pays what i want! argh!   either it's a great position, shitty brand.  great brand, ridiculous requirements.  great brand, awesome position, shit pay.  what.  the.  fuck?!  

just be cool ice cold... be patient.  wait on god.  sometimes what you want, takes a little a while to happen.  i've got to go through some growth.  manage more projects...  whatever.  it doesn't stop me from being totally fucking frustrated some times.  i'm great at what i do.  why am i struggling so much with the growth element?  what am i not doing?  

i don't know... what i do know is, i'm about to tan this feeling away.  at least for the day.  that's the good thing about the summer.  you can just lay out in the sun and pretend you're on the beach, with not a care in the world.  so i'm going to grab a bottle of red, stick it in the fridge, chop some fruit & hit the pool.  

here's hoping the summer sun and my homemade sangria wash away the worries.