let her feel

she said "she thinks she hates me."  she said "i'm not the best mom ever... i'm a bad, bad mom."  i said nothing.  i let her vent.  "you're making me really mad.  i don't understand why you're treating me like this.  you're being really mean.   and i really do think i hate you, and i don't love you."  i let her have her feelings.  she's entitled to them.  (watch the videos of her rant here.)

when my network viewed my snaps... her snaps really... they were shocked!  "i can't believe you let her say all that to you."  it's how she felt.  why wouldn't i?  why wouldn't i want my child to express their feelings to me?  it downloaded a much heavier point to me.  not only do we want to suppress the raw emotion of our children, we do it to our peers as well.  we do our best to prevent others from having emotions that don't align with our own.  it's selfish.  and insensitive.  further more, we suppress our own emotions out of fear of how they will be received.  it's so sad.  the opportunities we lose as a result of this controlling behavior is enough to turn your stomach.  misunderstandings, oversight, and dismissal of truth, all due to fear.  feel your feelings, and let others feel theirs.  you are only responsible for two things:  yourself, and how you treat what is brought to you.  everything else is a myth.  we have no control over any other aspects. why then do we try so hard to control the uncontrollable?  

i encouraged bee to express herself, in the midst of her anger, respectfully.  those are the only things she was responsible for.  herself, and her delivery.  packaging her emotions was not required.  her "not hurting my feelings" with her truth, not relevant.  i can't pretend she didn't sting me a little with the "i hate you" line.  but she's not responsible for how i feel about how she feels, she's only responsible for her truth.  

i've taken a note from my bumble bee on this one.  no fear.  all truth.  if it hurts a little, that's okay.  i'd take bitter truth over sweet lies any day.