my homegirl always comments how taylor and i are "best friends." which on some level is true. that's how i wanted it. but there is a flip side to that, which often gets overlooked. taylor respects me. and that's how i wanted it. it was intentional.
bee and i have a unique relationship. i attribute part of it to our signs. she's a pisces and i'm a scorpio. (both water signs, thus a great deal of respect and understanding of the others mind & heart.) i attribute part of it to my "question authority" disposition as a youth. it allows me to understand why she wants to know "why?" most importantly, i attribute our balance to intention. before i was ever a mother, i knew the type of mother i wanted to be. i wanted to be my kids' first point of contact for everything. i understood that in order for me to be that for them, they had to feel like they could tell me anything. creating that environment is much more than just telling your child something. it's a feeling. it's a calm voice when they are in "trouble". it's allowing them to explain their position and having a discussion. it's MUTUAL respect. i respect you, and you respect me. always. even if i don't like what you did, we can talk it through. i will not just reprimand you without us understanding one another.
a lot of people don't necessarily agree with my methods, but ultimately, i think it's what's best for my family. her father & i have a similar approach in this. he is a touch more traditional than me, but we meet in the middle, which provides bee with consistency. that is key. intentional consistency.
we have to be extremely mindful of what we are putting in. children are like gardens. what you plant, you will surely reap. and if you plant nothing, you are subject to having a bed of weeds and miscellaneous plants from the seeds blown from the neighboring gardens. we mind our garden. we remove the weeds, we aerate the soil, and plant regularly. we are mindful of the music she hears, the tv she watches, the company she keeps, and the things we say around her. my garden is a ripe bed of soil, ready to sprout whatever she absorbs. i want a bed of roses. (well i like lillies personally, but you get the point. lol)
something that i feel like gets missed in all this, is what we don't realize we're exposing our children to. i really think about it this way: if it doesn't help, it hurts. if the music she's listening to doesn't promote positivity, love and growth, it's stifling her. it's a missed opportunity to pour greatness into her. if her shows don't show her little brown girls being strong, brave and self reliant, it's a missed opportunity to show her the potential she posses. popping your kid down in front of the tv or tablet to catch a break is understandable, but think ahead. download the shows that will inspire, spark her creativity, and strengthen her spirit.
success does not happen accidentally, it is a result of habit. be habitual in your quest for remarkable children. remember, they're only kids for so long. after that, the world is either blessed by or stuck with this person you've created.