i miss qq

qq, was my dog. a great pyrenees with a heart of gold, and the spirit of a sweet old man. 8 years i had q. he passed last year after giving him to my “step brother”, as i couldn’t take him to my new place. i trusted him. i still don’t know exactly what happened to my dog, and i think that’s the hardest part. i know he was old, i know he may have even fallen ill… but what happened, i don’t know for sure. and my shitty ass “step brother” won’t even tell me. cause he’s a piece of shit. but this isn’t about his bitch ass. it’s about my beloved qq. about how sweet he was. how much he loved me. and bee. how much she loved him. how we cry sometimes because he’s so missed. a hole in our hearts. i miss my baby. my big fur baby. my sweet boy. i just wanted to say goodbye. hold and hug him. let him know that he was safe. that momma was there. i never knew that i would hurt like this. i knew i would miss him, and that it would be hard. but never imagined this. i’m sure it’s compound by the fact that his passing is shrouded in mystery.

i’m venting. mostly because i came across a video of q and bee. it broke my heart. so right now, i’m venting. i’m honoring my qq. my first experience with unconditional love outside of my parental structure. qq was always happy to see me, always forgave me, always there… as annoying as that was sometimes. he was a good dog. and i miss him. all and all, i’m blessed to have ever had the experience.

my best friend asked me, do i feel like i needed qq, and now in his passing, and because of current my relationship, i don’t need him anymore? no. i still need him. to love me like that. so purely. just want to be with me. all the time. just be close. even when i annoy him… he’d still pick me. i miss that. his fur all over the place. fussing at me in the morning because i’m taking too long to get out of bed. busting in whatever room i’m in, just to be close. god do i miss that. so much.

i love you doot doots. always.