green eyed monster

i'm not a jealous person.  with my friends, of success, of my mate, of someone's body... i'm just not.  i'm a firm believer that, what's for me is for me.  but right now.... i'm jealous as hell!

i'm combing bee's hair in preparation for bed.  she's on the phone with her dad.  they're recapping all the silly games they play and special things they do when they hang out.  and i'm so jealous.  it's not that i can't do all those things too, but our dynamic is just different.  and it kinda sucks.  

because i home school bee, AND work from home, i feel like i'm kinda missing out on a lot of that "fun time".  mostly because home school is not my job.  i still have to manage client communications, keep my social media current, take calls, schedule appointments, service clients, and blog on top of all of that.  often times i feel like, we're in the same space, but not connecting as much.  

i'm beginning to envy the mom's who can work without the distraction of their child needing something, which seemingly is every 10 minutes.  i want to miss her sometimes, instead of feeling a sense of relief when she leaves.  but the reality is, in 8 to 12 hours, she'll be right back.  i guess this is the reason people say "i don't know how yo do it."  i'm starting to feel the same way.

don't get me wrong, she's my homie.  my mini bff.  but she's freaking 4.  so yeah, a break from her and some grown up conversation is definitely necessary.  i've been looking into some home school co op programs, which i think is the best of both worlds for us.  (i'm cool on putting her in the traditional education system... especially with president orange in office.)  

i don't know... maybe i'm just pms'ing and in a shitty mood because my truck is STILL in the shop.  who knows!