face your fears

listen...

when i tell you that i LOVED that man.... 

LOVED HIM! shit, i still do!  so when i ran into my "x" at the bar and he asked me the one question i prayed i'd never have to answer, i was STUCK!  

"why'd you run?"

it resounded in my ear like the record scratched just as he said it.  like the whole room was staring at me, waiting for the answer.  the emotion that rose up through my belly and felt like it would explode out of my chest, was one i recognized all too well.  it was how i felt every time i had to come face to face with whatever it was i had been dreading.  my moment of truth.  

we sat and talked about all the "what if's" and "what could have beens", but ultimately, it was about closure.  we weren't trying to rewrite the past, just close the book with a solid ending.  it got me thinking... how many other things am i "running" from?  not as blatantly as i did him, but really... am i facing my fears?  living my truth?  the reality is, no.  coming to this sad conclusion lit such a fire under me.  the only thing keeping me from my greatness, is me.  sleeping late. hanging out.  facebook trolling.  all things that consume precious time that i could be using to get that much closer to my goal.

when it comes to this man, i feared failure, so i chose not to "play", which in the end hurt him AND me.  but in facing him, i was able to clear our air and face the reality that my decision had consequences.  i'm sharing this, not to highlight how DUMB i was for mishandling that relationship, but to say, no matter what you're fearful of... deal with it.  there's such freedom in truth.  

rants, moreJo Jolove, momslife