communication is key

i was pissed.  i'm the only one making concession for this home school shit.  i don't get a break, or a vacation.  never.  not in 4 years.  why?  because i choose to home school.  i get it, it was my choice, but damn... can i get some help?  one day week maybe?  damn!

all those unsaid desires... building up and creating  hell of tension between he and i.  and then he asks me, "jo, what is your goal with all this?"  it was the first time he asked that.  and the first time i told him.  as we discussed the nuances of all i had planned (in my mind) for our daughter, we finally had clarity.  he understood my frustrations, and i felt like a weight had been lifted.  he wasn't inconsiderate of my desires.  he was ignorant to them.  and not in the smart ass way, just a straight up "i didn't know."  i couldn't be mad at that.  how dare i hold someone accountable for something they don't know because i didn't tell them?!  it forced me out of frustration, into reflection.

this is my most reoccurring issue.  i don't communicate, i get in my head, i process someone else's behavior unfairly because they don't know what i expected, and i respond as though they did.  that's not cool.  i've been consistently working on that.  but here, in this dynamic... it seems to be the hardest.  habit, routine, familiarity all serve as stumbling blocks to growth in this relationship.  but he pulled my card.  "jo, i didn't know.  now that i know, i can be of more assistance in these areas."

the reality of this situation sucks.  it sucks because most of the complaints i had went unvoiced, and as such, unresolved.  it's unrealistic for anyone to expect someone else to know what they're thinking.  it doesn't matter how close you are, or were.  communication is key.  open your mouth and voice your grievances.  it's the only way you know they can be addressed.  

i'm still a work in progress, and i presume i will always be working on something. i'm comfortable with that.  as long as i'm growing.  and i am.