to spank or not to spank


tospankornottospank

 
 

this year i made a declaration to myself and to my bee.  "i will not yell."  look, if you know me, you know me, you know i don't yell much.  but when i get there, i'm THERE!  not many people get me to a place where i'm "yelling" anyway, but ms. taylor, lord jesus!  she can take me there.  but i made a decision:  when i'm getting heated, i will disengage and if/when necessary, i will re-approach.  but what happens when it's punishment time?  talking to has happened.  time out has been tried... and tried again.  it's time for something real.

to spank or not to spank?

historically, i've popped taylor's butt when the time called for it.  usually just one pop is all i'll do.  trust me, it hurts her feelings more than her butt.  lately though, i've been feeling like there's a better way.  more than one thing has me rethinking my style of discipline.  here are the questions i asked myself as i am tackling this element of my parenting.

 

historically, i've popped taylor's butt when the time called for it.  usually just one pop is all i'll do.  trust me, it hurts her feelings more than her butt.  lately though, i've been feeling like there's a better way.  more than one thing has me rethinking my style of discipline.  here are the questions i asked myself as i am tackling this element of my parenting.

1.  is it effective?  when i pop bee, she cries for 2 minutes and then goes back to living her 3 year old life.  i can't say that i see very much sustanable difference in her behavior.  when i put her on time out or take away a toy/activity, she seems to be much more engaged in her punishment.  she comes to me in her own time to apologize and talk about what happened.  seemingly, she "reacts" to a pop. she "responds" to a punishment.

2.  am i confusing her?  i teach my daughter to keep her hands to herself.  whether playing or in anger, hitting is not appropriate.  it is not how we express ourselves.  how then can i expect her to understand why it's okay for me to pop her when she upsets me?  if i want her to understand and excercise effective ways to express her disappointment and anger, don't i have to do the same?

3.  am i damaging her?  i can't help but think about the potential long term effects of physically chastising her.  particularly as a female.  the idea that i can love her and hit her, just seems like the foundation for her accepting that behavior from others as she gets older.  i'm not saying that if you spank your kid that you don't love them.  often a spanking is solely because you love them so much that you will beat them into their best selves if that's what it takes. lol  i'm just saying, if it's not okay when she's 16 or 30, why is okay at 3?

obviously, you will do whatever you think is best for you, your child, and your family.  just be mindful of your decisions' potential consequences.  is it worth the risk?  for me, taking the extra time to talk with her about her behavior, and reinforcing the rules consistently has proven very effective in our home.