choose family

first, a disclaimer: 

i don't mess with my dad's side of the family that much.  there are honestly about 4 people that i'm cool with.  it's not because they're not "nice people" or we had some falling out.  i just don't mesh well with them.  plain & simple.  more over, there are a lot of "secrets" over there that i'm just not cool with.  long story short, i keep my distance.

with that being said...  if it's possible, choose your family.  LOL i know... nicca, you choose YOUR family.  this isn't about me though. :)

half of my blended crew at the chinese lantern festival on christmas eve

half of my blended crew at the chinese lantern festival on christmas eve

 with the holiday season upon us, many people are spending more time with their friends and family.  as my "blended" family (in laws, step family, framily) started making plans, we were running into some issues.  this brother doesn't like that brother, this boyfriend isn't allowed over her house, these cousins are on the outs... ARGH!  (kudos to me for not being in any drama this year though!)  with all this going on, trying to arrange and rearrange, it got me thinking... "when do we put our bullshit aside for the family?"

i had a very candid conversation with one of my brothers.  after he explained this beef between another one of our siblings (technically, i have 4 living and 1 deceased), i boiled it down to this: "is it important enough to damage our kid's relationships over it?  if our kids don't get to build genuine cousin bonds because their parents are mad about some bull, will you be okay with it?  is their relationship with the rest of the family important enough to you, to put your feelings aside?"  after a few seconds of silence, he responded, "just keep that nicca away from me!" LOL

look, i'm never going to act like family issues can't be MAJOR road blocks.  not just on holidays, but throughout our daily lives.  but ask yourself those questions.  if you can be at peace with your answer, either way, then move forward in that truth.  but don't let time extend the depth of your anger and jeopardize the relationships of innocent bystanders as a result. 

i remember when i was in high school, my mom purchased a home "for" a family member to keep her from losing it.  now, i don't know all the details, but there was a misunderstanding that came about.  because these two couldn't get on the same page, my relationship with one of my closest cousins suffered greatly..  we had nothing to do with it, but were effected none the less.

as savage ass 2016 comes to a close, take a beat to do some self evaluation.  ask yourself this overarching question, "are you at peace?"  whenever that answer is "no", you've got some work to do. i implore you... start where you sleep.  make good with your family. whatever that word represents for you.  believe it or not, we're all we got.

and to MY family: i love you dearly.  we are by no means a traditional bunch, but we're strong.  let us continue to break down barriers that seek to prevent our love from penetrating.

-thelovedone